What to do if the first wife is too rude
Posted by ABM Productions on Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Under: Islam
Question: I want to marry another wife just because my wife is very rude and due to that, my relatives stopped coming to my home including my two parents.We have discussed this problem more than three times and she is not changing until that my relatives stopped visiting me and my three children. Please advise me I need to see my parents my relatives in my house. By the way I and my wife are cousins. Help me please.
Answer: By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From the time you get married until the rest of your days, your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.
She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you.
When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be her; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
The best description of the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "...they are your garments and you are their garments" (Qur'an 2:187).
In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect" (Qur'an 30:21).
But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
If you want to become polygamous just because your wife is very rude as you put it, my understanding is that you are assuming that the second wife you would like to marry will not have the same or other problems. This is not a good reason for one to give as a justification for taking another wife. You should first of all try more and as much as you can to discuss the problem at hand using a different approach. This is because, assuming you have taken the second wife, at some point or the other, your old wife, parents, relatives and off course your new wife will inevitably have to meet, and this could create more and more problems in the family.
Further, the unsolved problems with the first wife will cause you to abuse the practice of polygamy as you will not be able to fully treat your wives fairly. If you cannot be just and fair, it would be forbidden to take another wife.
However, when you have exosted all the efforts to resolve the problem, you should also know that in Islam, divorce is permissible. You should, however, know that divorce should be the very last resort because although Allah Ta'ala permitted it, He does not like it.
As for polygamy, it is allowed in Islam. Allah Ta'ala says in Qur'an 4:3, "...you may marry two, three, or four. If you fear lest you become unfair, then you shall be content with only one" (Qur'an 4:3). He also says "...in seeking the pleasure of your wives, why do you make unlawful that which God has made lawful" (Qur'an 66:1)
Polygamy is to be used for the purposes for which it is permitted and not to be abused in any case. It is true that Allah permits the man to marry four wives, but if we think in neutral terms and try to investigate the benefit of that without thinking only of our own interests, we will find the wisdom and significance of polygamy.
Answer: By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From the time you get married until the rest of your days, your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.
She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you.
When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be her; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
The best description of the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "...they are your garments and you are their garments" (Qur'an 2:187).
In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect" (Qur'an 30:21).
But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
If you want to become polygamous just because your wife is very rude as you put it, my understanding is that you are assuming that the second wife you would like to marry will not have the same or other problems. This is not a good reason for one to give as a justification for taking another wife. You should first of all try more and as much as you can to discuss the problem at hand using a different approach. This is because, assuming you have taken the second wife, at some point or the other, your old wife, parents, relatives and off course your new wife will inevitably have to meet, and this could create more and more problems in the family.
Further, the unsolved problems with the first wife will cause you to abuse the practice of polygamy as you will not be able to fully treat your wives fairly. If you cannot be just and fair, it would be forbidden to take another wife.
However, when you have exosted all the efforts to resolve the problem, you should also know that in Islam, divorce is permissible. You should, however, know that divorce should be the very last resort because although Allah Ta'ala permitted it, He does not like it.
As for polygamy, it is allowed in Islam. Allah Ta'ala says in Qur'an 4:3, "...you may marry two, three, or four. If you fear lest you become unfair, then you shall be content with only one" (Qur'an 4:3). He also says "...in seeking the pleasure of your wives, why do you make unlawful that which God has made lawful" (Qur'an 66:1)
Polygamy is to be used for the purposes for which it is permitted and not to be abused in any case. It is true that Allah permits the man to marry four wives, but if we think in neutral terms and try to investigate the benefit of that without thinking only of our own interests, we will find the wisdom and significance of polygamy.
In : Islam